[ That last text is left on read for no more than a twentyβ maybe thirty seconds before he's there outside the Titans Tower. He'd had to excuse himself from the party he'd been at for his colleague and quickly change into his flash costume before sprinting over here. But now that he's here, he's quick to change out of it and waits for Jason to come down like he'd said.
He has no idea what's sparked this. Sure, Jason has moods, but. Who doesn't? He figures something must have happened to sour his mood and the text he'd sent had just been the icing on the cake for whatever it was that's bothering him. The fact that whenever they do converse over text often leads to miscommunication when Jason isn't feeling so hot or insecure about something, is why Barry is here to talk this out β to see him for himself and if he's reading anything wrong.
When he does finally come down, Barry is standing there. Eyes worried, but lips pressed in a thin line. Fingers holding the strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, he sighs. ]
[ Jason hadn't exactly expected get up out of bed again today, feeling sore and tired from pummeling sand bags for more than an hour. So he's kinda disheveled, pulling on some clothes he had tossed onto a chair yesterday, along with a hoodie that he can get lost in, and heads out of the tower.
He doesn't know why Barry is here right now. Why he insists on coming over here when Jason knows all he's done is treat him like shit. No matter how hard he pushes, Barry pushes back, and now he's leaving Titans Tower, spotting Barry right where he said he would be and heads over.
Jason stops when he gets close enough, looking at Barry for a moment before he averts his eyes, then quickly steps into Barry's space, curling into him as he hugs him tightly. ]
[ Barry isn't so willing to let himself be pushed away. The number of times his father has tried to with his obsession determination in setting him free hasn't worked on him and neither will Jason and his trying to make it seem like he's not worth the effort. Truth is... it doesn't take effort to feel what he feels for him. Never has. So when he comes into his space as he does, Barry lets him and gently wraps his arms around the other's shoulder. Holding him there. Chin dropping down to press to his head. ]
Hey.
[ The word is soft against the crown of Jason's head, no more than a whisper for only him to hear. ]
I'm here.
[ Hands are soothing and slow in the way they stroke along Jason's back, bag sliding down to catch in the crook of his arm before he just lets it drop to the ground and holds the other a little tighter against him. ]
[ Jason's not a hugger. Hell, he'd probably punch anyone that tried. But it's the only thing he can possibly imagine doing right now, fingers clutching into the back of Barry's shirt as he buries his face into his boyfriend's neck.
Barry feels warm, solid and comforting as he holds Jason right back, and Jason knows he sure as fuck does not deserve this- especially not after all the dumb shit he said to him tonight.
He wants to apologize, but the words can't make their way out. Apologies are shit anyway. Jason hates them. They never mean anything in the end, unless a person backs them up with action, and he knows this sure as fuck won't be the last time he's a complete ass. Maybe that's why he wants Barry to get out.
He hugs Barry until his sore muscles scream at him, and then he pulls back slowly, swallowing hard. ]
[ The way his hand cradles at the back of Jason's head is soft and careful yet warm in his touch and the way he keeps him there close against him. He doesn't know if something happened earlier, if he's just more stressed than usual, or if he's still feeling a sort of bitterness with having been sent here and not being Robin in Gotham anymore.
Whatever it is, Barry stays there. Firmly planted. A pillar of support, almost, for Jason as he clings tight to him like he does. When he comes to pull back and suggest they go somewhere else, Barry lets his gaze drift off to the tower for a moment before it settles back on the other. ]
Sure. [ He nods, eyes carefully watching him. ] Any place in mind?
[ Jason tries to soak in the closeness and the comfort as much as he can, but it's hard for him, especially when he's feeling the way he is. He doesn't want to explain, because when he does, it feels like he's cutting himself wide open. It's never really been like that with Barry, though- but he feels more off here than usual.
This is not where he's supposed to be, but his choice in the matter is long gone. ]
Not really. I don't know shit around here. I just gotta get away from this place for a little while.
Alright, well. I don't have a car but... we can walk and see where we end up?
[ There has to be a diner or motel or something nearby, right? At least, that's what he's hoping for.
Scooping his bag up off the ground, he slings it on his shoulder again and stretches an arm out towards Jason, hand held up, fingers inviting. ] Come on.
[ Even the way he invites him to take his hand is soft and yet, he doesn't expect Jason to take it. Not if he doesn't want to. If he does? He'll hold it. Always. But if he doesn't, he'll still have it there for him to take and be there beside him as they go. Not going anywhere. Not without Jason himself. ]
[ Anything is fine. Any place but here. He probably should have let Dick know where he was going, but fuck it. He doesn't exactly give a shit right now.
Jason flips his hood over his head, glancing down at Barry's outstretched hand. For all the pushing away Jason tried to do, it's still there, reaching out to him. He slides his hand into Barry's, lacing their fingers together and starts walking. Wherever they go is fine with Jason, as long as they're together.
He doesn't really know what else to say just yet, so he just stays quiet as they walk along. He's not usually quiet so again this feels off, but he doesn't think Barry will give him shit for it. Not ever. ]
[ When fingers lace together, Barry finds himself smiling, if even soft and to himself. No, he won't let Jason push him away. Won't let him intimidate or make him feel like he shouldn't be with him. This... is where he wants to be. Right here. Beside him. Hand in his.
He lets the silence hang there between them for a little as they go, letting it be comfortable rather than awkward. Barry knows better than anyone how sometimes there's a sort of comfort to be found in the silence and how he wishes sometimes he'd had someone there to share it with him. To know that he's not alone in it.
They walk for probably a good ten minutes or so in just murmured silence, hand never letting go of Jason's before he sees a strip of with a diner, quick bites, motel, even a few stores that obviously are either closed or closing up. Looking to Jason, he shakes his hand while still holding it. ]
[ Jason doesn't understand why Barry is like this with him. He knows even love can be a fleeting, fickle thing. Even when it's not, he's pretty damn sure there are people much more deserving of it than him.
Doesn't seem to matter to Barry though, and Jason knows... he knows he should be damn grateful for it.
The silence shifts from odd to more comfortable the more they walk along. Barry doesn't expect him to talk, doesn't push him for conversation, and doesn't try to pry anything out of him. At least for now, until he can warm up to the idea, but Barry can get him to do that too. For now though, they just walk until they hit the strip of stores. ]
[ He reassures with a shake of his head and a smile on his lips, fingers squeezing to the hand they hold. ]
Come on. Let's see what these rooms are like. Maybe we can put quarters in a vibrating bed.
[ The tug he gives to Jason is just enough to get him to go along with him and he's careful as they go to cross the street, keeping the other close at his side with his bag still slung over his shoulder. He's starving a little himself what with his having ran all the way here but, like he said, he can order them in some food once they have a room for themselves.
The motel itself, once they step in, isn't anything that could be considered five stars by any means but, in a way, it's sort of charming that it isn't? Somehow it fits them a little better than fancy first class rooms. He brushes the backs of his fingers against Jason's arm and murmurs a gentle I'll be back as he goes up to the desk to get them a room. It doesn't take him long to pay and get their keycard before he's returning back to the other with a gentle smile on his lips. ]
Ok. Room get. No vibrating beds but complimentary TV is pretty good, right?
[ Jason nods, though he's not really hungry. He knows he just gets like this when his stomach is in knots, but the motel sounds like a much better idea. Feels like a relief. ]
You're gonna spend the night?
[ He watches Barry as they cross the street and head to the motels. How does he do it? How is he likes this? How can he just... not be angry at Jason? Or maybe he is and he's just not ready to let it out on him yet. But... that's never been Barry's way. Jason knows him better than that.
The motel is a lot better than many places Jason has stayed, so he really doesn't mind. He feels less like he's suffocating here, his shoulder losing their tension even more when Barry goes to get them a room, coming back with a smile. ]
Even just a bed's good at this point.
[ He hooks his fingers back around Barry's again, tugging them towards the rooms and waits for Barry to let them in with the keycard once they get to their room. His phone buzzes as they step inside and he pulls it out, shutting it off completely without even looking at it. He's only here for Barry right now. Fuck everyone else. ]
Uh... we better? I mean, I know this isn't like the Ritz Carlton or something, but.
[ The soft click of the door shutting behind them is heard ad Barry drops his bag down to the nearby chair. The room has two beds in it, just big enough for two people to sleep in. TV, bathroom with standing shower, fan, mini fridge in the dresser bottom. All the basics one expects out of a room like this. The lamp is flicked on with the harsher lights turned off, Barry dropping his phone and wallet down to the table between the two beds as he begins to take his hoodie off. ]
Alrighty. Food time. [ A beat, he looks over to Jason. ] You wanna watch TV or something? Maybe there's dirty channels.
[ Glancing over to the TV, he chuckles then. ]
Nah, they probably scramble that and you gotta pay extra.
[ Smile on his lips, he drops down to sit on one of the bed and grabs the phone off the hook there on the table, dialing up something for them to eat. ]
[ Barry's gonna stay. Spend the night. As much as he was trying to get rid of his boyfriend, he's never been so goddamn relieved that someone was gonna stay.
He pulls the hood down off his head and kicks his shoes off, glancing around the room, checking the bathroom. It's not the worst, but even if it was, this is exactly where Jason would want to stay as long as Barry was here. ]
Nah, no TV. Maybe later.
[ He's not in the mood for extra noise, or porn. He sits down close to Barry on the bed, leaning in to rest his head against the other's shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment when Barry calls to get some food. ]
[ Fingers stroke over Jason's knee when he sits there beside him, smiling a bit with the phone pressed to his ear before he goes about placing an order for a large pizza and some chicken wings. He figures that... will be good enough? Even if Jason himself isn't in the mood to eat, at least they have something and a particular speedster has food to fuel himself with.
When the order is placed and done, he drops the phone down to the hook and sighs a bit. ]
Food is ordered.
[ Lifting a hand, he gently cards his fingers through the other's hair and just sits there with him. Quiet. Letting only the outside noise gently filter its way into their room before he finally turns his head to brush lips over Jason's forehead, pressing the softest of kisses there and letting them linger as he speaks, voice soft. ]
[ Maybe once the food is actually here he'll eat some. He's already feeling a little better than he was when Barry first texted him. Fuck, he really let that snowball out of control. He kinda wishes he could take it all back.
Jason knows the whole damn thing was his fault, and Barry shouldn't be here indulging him for it. But in a way, it feels like Barry gets it, too. He gets that so much of it is just Jason's bullshit bravado. This stupid thing inside of him that has to push people away. All of this messy insecurity that makes him feel wrong.
Still, it isn't fair that Barry has to put up with it.
Even now, when Barry is being so soft an affectionate with him, Jason isn't sure how much he wants to give away. ]
[ Barry knows that's more or less what it is and that's why he hasn't taken it to heart. It had been a little difficult at first to read what he'd been sent β stung a little even. But he'd reminded himself that this just... happens sometimes. Especially over text and the best way to diffuse it all was to be there in person. To see Jason and have Jason see him. It's seemed to work thus far in calming him down. Even if it means putting Barry in the position of having to drop everything and go running to him. Some might think Jason taking advantage of the speedster in that regard. Some might think he's toxic and slowly poisoning the speedster. Barry, however, just thinks sometimes life can be hard. Sometimes people have bad days and you can't give up on someone for something like that.
A tilt of his head, he hums a little as Jason asks. ]
Anything you'd like. Or... we don't have to. [ The smile he offers is gentle and reassuring, if not a little tired. ] But the offer's there if you want.
[ Nosing at his cheek, Barry presses a tender kiss there and just takes a moment to breathe as he lets his eyes fall shut. ]
[ Jason didn't want Barry dropping everything and running to him today. He was trying hard to get him not to. Maybe trying too hard, mixed with Barry's stubborn persistence... yeah.
The thing is, Jason knows that he's toxic. He knows he's poison- he thinks about it a lot. He knows that there's a damn good chance he's going to fuck Barry up, poison him, drag him down into whatever ugly bullshit winds around his insides, making him this way. That's part of why he said all that shit today, because he knows Barry deserves better, he just can't help but say it in a shitty way. That's what works, doesn't it? That's what gets people to get the fuck out before he fucks it up in the long run anyway.
There's a part of him that knows he's being selfish now, holding on to Barry and not wanting to let him go. Wanting to take back all the things he said. It's selfish, and maybe deep down he's just too weak.
It's not like this on all days. Some days he can see the light. Today just isn't one of those days.
He breathes out slowly when Barry kisses his cheek, telling him he loves him. It's not fair what those words alone can do to Jason, and he nuzzles back against Barry's face.]
Love you too. I shouldn't have taken my shit out on you. Don't know what my fucking problem is.
[ Sorry, Jason. Barry just isn't the type to give up on those he loves and cares about. Just ask his dad how he continues to not give up on him in jail.
The nuzzle he's given is a good sign, however, and Barry finds himself pressing another kiss there. Still soft. Still tender. Arms then coming to wrap around the other in a way that can draw him in close, Barry resting his chin on Jason's shoulder. ]
It was just a day. They happen sometimes.
[ Words he murmurs with a tilt of his head, carefully watching him as he continues to hold him. ]
Important thing to know is you're not alone and that we've got ourselves a super not at all fancy motel room for the night.
[Jason would get it if Barry did though, eventually. Most days he tries not to think about it, but on some, like today, Jason feels like it's inevitable. His life is made up of leaving.
But it's this constant war going on in his head. He desperately wants Barry to stay, but he knows how bad it'll be for Barry if he does. How bad Jason will be for his very core. He desperately wants this tenderness, but he knows he doesn't deserve it.
How can he possibly talk to Barry about any of this? And how can he talk to him about where the avalanche stemmed from, at least today? ]
Don't think it's just a day, Barry. It's inside me. You know that, right?
[Jason looks down at his hands on his lap, but then he sighs, leaning against Barry when the other draws him close.]
I don't wanna be alone...and that's fucking selfish of me. You deserve better than this shit.
[ When Jason leans into him, Barry holds him a little tighter, not at all afraid of being cut on the sharp edges that sometimes make up Jason. If anything, it makes him do just as he's doing now: hold him tighter.
To see Jason like this β to hear the way he speaks about himself... it's hard and Barry just wants to make it all go away for him, but. He doesn't know how, isn't sure if there's really a way to just Make It Go Away. It doesn't feel like it. Maybe it is something inside him, like Jason says. But that's all the more reason to love him. To be here with him. To show him that he doesn't have to do this alone.
That he's not alone with this. ]
You're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm always here, my lightning rod.
[ Words he gently brushes over Jason's temple as lips press a tender kiss there, head ducking down while fingers stroke along the other's arm. ]
[ If he could take it all back now, he would. All those sharp words laced with poison that he used to try and push Barry away, but somehow got him to hold on even tighter. No one's ever held on tight, let alone like this. It's dangerous for Barry, maybe for both of them.
Jason's always been in it by himself, utterly and completely. After a while he told himself it was better that way. Less collateral damage from everything he tears through. He thought maybe Bruce could take it, but now he's here, away from what he found with the older man, and he knows soon enough this new team of his will get sick of him too.
They don't hold on the way Barry does, though.
Jason closes his eyes... squeezes them shut for a long moment, letting Barry's words sink into him deeply. It hurts. God, he's so fucked up that those words actually hurt, because they're so kind, so caring, so loving.
When he opens his eyes once again, he pulls back a little, just enough so he can tilt his head and look Barry in the eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, hand sliding to Barry's neck as he leans in kiss him deeply. ]
[ Barry doesn't care wat anyone might think of this or them. He's not giving up on Jason β not giving up on them. Not unless Jason absolutely gives him reason to, but. Even then. It wouldn't be giving up so much as giving him whatever space he needs for himself; he'd still be there for him whenever he needs him.
When he feels the hand there on his neck, he looks over to Jason just in time to find himself caught in a kiss and he returns it with just as much feverish tenderness as the other pours into him.
Hands smooth along the other's body, clutching at him in places that can draw him just a little closer in and he offers Jason sweet little sounds of contentment throughout that kiss, lips brushing over his with quiet murmurs of I'm here and I love you. There isn't an ounce of hesitation in the way he says those things or how he touches and holds Jason. Every touch and brush of his lips spills another drop of tenderness to him in a way that he hopes might maybe serve as some sort of antidote to whatever poison is currently swimming through his emotions. Maybe not enough to fully wash it out, but enough to calm him from the effects it's having on him. To reassure him that he can do this.
[ Jason might not know what else to say right now, everything inside of him still so on the edge... but he can kiss Barry to tell him that he loves him too. That he wants this, and hears him... and wants to believe him.
He wants to believe that he's not alone, and that he's going to be okay. He wants to take in each and every tender touch and let it replace the worst of what's inside of him. Jason kisses him, pulling those words into himself when Barry whispers them against his lips, and little by little, the longer the kiss, the more everything drops away to the background.
The hand that isn't on Barry's neck moves across his chest, fingers curling into his shirt to pull him closer, but then Jason is the one moving, straddling Barry as he slides into his lap. He barely breaks the kiss before he's right back to it, deepening the kiss intensely. ]
[ When Jason suddenly moves into his lap, Barry lets him, shifting a bit to make it a little easier for the both of them there on the bed. That is, until he just comes to fall back against the bed with him, pulling Jason down on top of him as he does.
Hands smooth their way along the other's sides and back, touching him in ways he knows Jason likes and adores. Lips never stray too far from the ones they steal constant tender kisses from, soft sighs and smiles brushing against them every now and then. ]
You're so good, baby.
[ He presses the words in a whisper against Jason's lips, the pad of his thumb coming up to drag along Jason's bottom lip before he steals a slow and tender kiss from him. Savoring it β savoring him.
Shifting a bit there on the bed, he lets the tips of his fingers slip under that hoodie, ghost along warm skin hidden beneath and slide their way up along the curve of his spine. Just feeling him like this. Here on top of him. Enjoying the warmth and the touch and the feel of him so close again. ]
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π‘π₯Ί
He has no idea what's sparked this. Sure, Jason has moods, but. Who doesn't? He figures something must have happened to sour his mood and the text he'd sent had just been the icing on the cake for whatever it was that's bothering him. The fact that whenever they do converse over text often leads to miscommunication when Jason isn't feeling so hot or insecure about something, is why Barry is here to talk this out β to see him for himself and if he's reading anything wrong.
When he does finally come down, Barry is standing there. Eyes worried, but lips pressed in a thin line. Fingers holding the strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, he sighs. ]
You gonna tell me what's going on?
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He doesn't know why Barry is here right now. Why he insists on coming over here when Jason knows all he's done is treat him like shit. No matter how hard he pushes, Barry pushes back, and now he's leaving Titans Tower, spotting Barry right where he said he would be and heads over.
Jason stops when he gets close enough, looking at Barry for a moment before he averts his eyes, then quickly steps into Barry's space, curling into him as he hugs him tightly. ]
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obsessiondetermination in setting him free hasn't worked on him and neither will Jason and his trying to make it seem like he's not worth the effort. Truth is... it doesn't take effort to feel what he feels for him. Never has. So when he comes into his space as he does, Barry lets him and gently wraps his arms around the other's shoulder. Holding him there. Chin dropping down to press to his head. ]Hey.
[ The word is soft against the crown of Jason's head, no more than a whisper for only him to hear. ]
I'm here.
[ Hands are soothing and slow in the way they stroke along Jason's back, bag sliding down to catch in the crook of his arm before he just lets it drop to the ground and holds the other a little tighter against him. ]
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Barry feels warm, solid and comforting as he holds Jason right back, and Jason knows he sure as fuck does not deserve this- especially not after all the dumb shit he said to him tonight.
He wants to apologize, but the words can't make their way out. Apologies are shit anyway. Jason hates them. They never mean anything in the end, unless a person backs them up with action, and he knows this sure as fuck won't be the last time he's a complete ass. Maybe that's why he wants Barry to get out.
He hugs Barry until his sore muscles scream at him, and then he pulls back slowly, swallowing hard. ]
Wanna get outta here?
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Whatever it is, Barry stays there. Firmly planted. A pillar of support, almost, for Jason as he clings tight to him like he does. When he comes to pull back and suggest they go somewhere else, Barry lets his gaze drift off to the tower for a moment before it settles back on the other. ]
Sure. [ He nods, eyes carefully watching him. ] Any place in mind?
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This is not where he's supposed to be, but his choice in the matter is long gone. ]
Not really. I don't know shit around here. I just gotta get away from this place for a little while.
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[ There has to be a diner or motel or something nearby, right? At least, that's what he's hoping for.
Scooping his bag up off the ground, he slings it on his shoulder again and stretches an arm out towards Jason, hand held up, fingers inviting. ] Come on.
[ Even the way he invites him to take his hand is soft and yet, he doesn't expect Jason to take it. Not if he doesn't want to. If he does? He'll hold it. Always. But if he doesn't, he'll still have it there for him to take and be there beside him as they go. Not going anywhere. Not without Jason himself. ]
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[ Anything is fine. Any place but here. He probably should have let Dick know where he was going, but fuck it. He doesn't exactly give a shit right now.
Jason flips his hood over his head, glancing down at Barry's outstretched hand. For all the pushing away Jason tried to do, it's still there, reaching out to him. He slides his hand into Barry's, lacing their fingers together and starts walking. Wherever they go is fine with Jason, as long as they're together.
He doesn't really know what else to say just yet, so he just stays quiet as they walk along. He's not usually quiet so again this feels off, but he doesn't think Barry will give him shit for it. Not ever. ]
no subject
He lets the silence hang there between them for a little as they go, letting it be comfortable rather than awkward. Barry knows better than anyone how sometimes there's a sort of comfort to be found in the silence and how he wishes sometimes he'd had someone there to share it with him. To know that he's not alone in it.
They walk for probably a good ten minutes or so in just murmured silence, hand never letting go of Jason's before he sees a strip of with a diner, quick bites, motel, even a few stores that obviously are either closed or closing up. Looking to Jason, he shakes his hand while still holding it. ]
You hungry? Tired? What do you feel like?
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Doesn't seem to matter to Barry though, and Jason knows... he knows he should be damn grateful for it.
The silence shifts from odd to more comfortable the more they walk along. Barry doesn't expect him to talk, doesn't push him for conversation, and doesn't try to pry anything out of him. At least for now, until he can warm up to the idea, but Barry can get him to do that too. For now though, they just walk until they hit the strip of stores. ]
Fucking exhausted. But we can eat if you want.
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[ He reassures with a shake of his head and a smile on his lips, fingers squeezing to the hand they hold. ]
Come on. Let's see what these rooms are like. Maybe we can put quarters in a vibrating bed.
[ The tug he gives to Jason is just enough to get him to go along with him and he's careful as they go to cross the street, keeping the other close at his side with his bag still slung over his shoulder. He's starving a little himself what with his having ran all the way here but, like he said, he can order them in some food once they have a room for themselves.
The motel itself, once they step in, isn't anything that could be considered five stars by any means but, in a way, it's sort of charming that it isn't? Somehow it fits them a little better than fancy first class rooms. He brushes the backs of his fingers against Jason's arm and murmurs a gentle I'll be back as he goes up to the desk to get them a room. It doesn't take him long to pay and get their keycard before he's returning back to the other with a gentle smile on his lips. ]
Ok. Room get. No vibrating beds but complimentary TV is pretty good, right?
no subject
You're gonna spend the night?
[ He watches Barry as they cross the street and head to the motels. How does he do it? How is he likes this? How can he just... not be angry at Jason? Or maybe he is and he's just not ready to let it out on him yet. But... that's never been Barry's way. Jason knows him better than that.
The motel is a lot better than many places Jason has stayed, so he really doesn't mind. He feels less like he's suffocating here, his shoulder losing their tension even more when Barry goes to get them a room, coming back with a smile. ]
Even just a bed's good at this point.
[ He hooks his fingers back around Barry's again, tugging them towards the rooms and waits for Barry to let them in with the keycard once they get to their room. His phone buzzes as they step inside and he pulls it out, shutting it off completely without even looking at it. He's only here for Barry right now. Fuck everyone else. ]
Think we even got clean sheets.
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[ The soft click of the door shutting behind them is heard ad Barry drops his bag down to the nearby chair. The room has two beds in it, just big enough for two people to sleep in. TV, bathroom with standing shower, fan, mini fridge in the dresser bottom. All the basics one expects out of a room like this. The lamp is flicked on with the harsher lights turned off, Barry dropping his phone and wallet down to the table between the two beds as he begins to take his hoodie off. ]
Alrighty. Food time. [ A beat, he looks over to Jason. ] You wanna watch TV or something? Maybe there's dirty channels.
[ Glancing over to the TV, he chuckles then. ]
Nah, they probably scramble that and you gotta pay extra.
[ Smile on his lips, he drops down to sit on one of the bed and grabs the phone off the hook there on the table, dialing up something for them to eat. ]
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[ Barry's gonna stay. Spend the night. As much as he was trying to get rid of his boyfriend, he's never been so goddamn relieved that someone was gonna stay.
He pulls the hood down off his head and kicks his shoes off, glancing around the room, checking the bathroom. It's not the worst, but even if it was, this is exactly where Jason would want to stay as long as Barry was here. ]
Nah, no TV. Maybe later.
[ He's not in the mood for extra noise, or porn. He sits down close to Barry on the bed, leaning in to rest his head against the other's shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment when Barry calls to get some food. ]
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When the order is placed and done, he drops the phone down to the hook and sighs a bit. ]
Food is ordered.
[ Lifting a hand, he gently cards his fingers through the other's hair and just sits there with him. Quiet. Letting only the outside noise gently filter its way into their room before he finally turns his head to brush lips over Jason's forehead, pressing the softest of kisses there and letting them linger as he speaks, voice soft. ]
Do you wanna talk?
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Jason knows the whole damn thing was his fault, and Barry shouldn't be here indulging him for it. But in a way, it feels like Barry gets it, too. He gets that so much of it is just Jason's bullshit bravado. This stupid thing inside of him that has to push people away. All of this messy insecurity that makes him feel wrong.
Still, it isn't fair that Barry has to put up with it.
Even now, when Barry is being so soft an affectionate with him, Jason isn't sure how much he wants to give away. ]
What do you wanna talk about?
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A tilt of his head, he hums a little as Jason asks. ]
Anything you'd like. Or... we don't have to. [ The smile he offers is gentle and reassuring, if not a little tired. ] But the offer's there if you want.
[ Nosing at his cheek, Barry presses a tender kiss there and just takes a moment to breathe as he lets his eyes fall shut. ]
I love you. I'm sorry today was bad for you.
no subject
The thing is, Jason knows that he's toxic. He knows he's poison- he thinks about it a lot. He knows that there's a damn good chance he's going to fuck Barry up, poison him, drag him down into whatever ugly bullshit winds around his insides, making him this way. That's part of why he said all that shit today, because he knows Barry deserves better, he just can't help but say it in a shitty way. That's what works, doesn't it? That's what gets people to get the fuck out before he fucks it up in the long run anyway.
There's a part of him that knows he's being selfish now, holding on to Barry and not wanting to let him go. Wanting to take back all the things he said. It's selfish, and maybe deep down he's just too weak.
It's not like this on all days. Some days he can see the light. Today just isn't one of those days.
He breathes out slowly when Barry kisses his cheek, telling him he loves him. It's not fair what those words alone can do to Jason, and he nuzzles back against Barry's face.]
Love you too. I shouldn't have taken my shit out on you. Don't know what my fucking problem is.
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The nuzzle he's given is a good sign, however, and Barry finds himself pressing another kiss there. Still soft. Still tender. Arms then coming to wrap around the other in a way that can draw him in close, Barry resting his chin on Jason's shoulder. ]
It was just a day. They happen sometimes.
[ Words he murmurs with a tilt of his head, carefully watching him as he continues to hold him. ]
Important thing to know is you're not alone and that we've got ourselves a super not at all fancy motel room for the night.
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But it's this constant war going on in his head. He desperately wants Barry to stay, but he knows how bad it'll be for Barry if he does. How bad Jason will be for his very core. He desperately wants this tenderness, but he knows he doesn't deserve it.
How can he possibly talk to Barry about any of this? And how can he talk to him about where the avalanche stemmed from, at least today? ]
Don't think it's just a day, Barry. It's inside me. You know that, right?
[Jason looks down at his hands on his lap, but then he sighs, leaning against Barry when the other draws him close.]
I don't wanna be alone...and that's fucking selfish of me. You deserve better than this shit.
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To see Jason like this β to hear the way he speaks about himself... it's hard and Barry just wants to make it all go away for him, but. He doesn't know how, isn't sure if there's really a way to just Make It Go Away. It doesn't feel like it. Maybe it is something inside him, like Jason says. But that's all the more reason to love him. To be here with him. To show him that he doesn't have to do this alone.
That he's not alone with this. ]
You're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm always here, my lightning rod.
[ Words he gently brushes over Jason's temple as lips press a tender kiss there, head ducking down while fingers stroke along the other's arm. ]
I love you. You're ok.
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Jason's always been in it by himself, utterly and completely. After a while he told himself it was better that way. Less collateral damage from everything he tears through. He thought maybe Bruce could take it, but now he's here, away from what he found with the older man, and he knows soon enough this new team of his will get sick of him too.
They don't hold on the way Barry does, though.
Jason closes his eyes... squeezes them shut for a long moment, letting Barry's words sink into him deeply. It hurts. God, he's so fucked up that those words actually hurt, because they're so kind, so caring, so loving.
When he opens his eyes once again, he pulls back a little, just enough so he can tilt his head and look Barry in the eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, hand sliding to Barry's neck as he leans in kiss him deeply. ]
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When he feels the hand there on his neck, he looks over to Jason just in time to find himself caught in a kiss and he returns it with just as much feverish tenderness as the other pours into him.
Hands smooth along the other's body, clutching at him in places that can draw him just a little closer in and he offers Jason sweet little sounds of contentment throughout that kiss, lips brushing over his with quiet murmurs of I'm here and I love you. There isn't an ounce of hesitation in the way he says those things or how he touches and holds Jason. Every touch and brush of his lips spills another drop of tenderness to him in a way that he hopes might maybe serve as some sort of antidote to whatever poison is currently swimming through his emotions. Maybe not enough to fully wash it out, but enough to calm him from the effects it's having on him. To reassure him that he can do this.
That he's not alone. ]
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He wants to believe that he's not alone, and that he's going to be okay. He wants to take in each and every tender touch and let it replace the worst of what's inside of him. Jason kisses him, pulling those words into himself when Barry whispers them against his lips, and little by little, the longer the kiss, the more everything drops away to the background.
The hand that isn't on Barry's neck moves across his chest, fingers curling into his shirt to pull him closer, but then Jason is the one moving, straddling Barry as he slides into his lap. He barely breaks the kiss before he's right back to it, deepening the kiss intensely. ]
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Hands smooth their way along the other's sides and back, touching him in ways he knows Jason likes and adores. Lips never stray too far from the ones they steal constant tender kisses from, soft sighs and smiles brushing against them every now and then. ]
You're so good, baby.
[ He presses the words in a whisper against Jason's lips, the pad of his thumb coming up to drag along Jason's bottom lip before he steals a slow and tender kiss from him. Savoring it β savoring him.
Shifting a bit there on the bed, he lets the tips of his fingers slip under that hoodie, ghost along warm skin hidden beneath and slide their way up along the curve of his spine. Just feeling him like this. Here on top of him. Enjoying the warmth and the touch and the feel of him so close again. ]
I'm so lucky to have you.
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