[ Jason doesn't understand why Barry is like this with him. He knows even love can be a fleeting, fickle thing. Even when it's not, he's pretty damn sure there are people much more deserving of it than him.
Doesn't seem to matter to Barry though, and Jason knows... he knows he should be damn grateful for it.
The silence shifts from odd to more comfortable the more they walk along. Barry doesn't expect him to talk, doesn't push him for conversation, and doesn't try to pry anything out of him. At least for now, until he can warm up to the idea, but Barry can get him to do that too. For now though, they just walk until they hit the strip of stores. ]
[ He reassures with a shake of his head and a smile on his lips, fingers squeezing to the hand they hold. ]
Come on. Let's see what these rooms are like. Maybe we can put quarters in a vibrating bed.
[ The tug he gives to Jason is just enough to get him to go along with him and he's careful as they go to cross the street, keeping the other close at his side with his bag still slung over his shoulder. He's starving a little himself what with his having ran all the way here but, like he said, he can order them in some food once they have a room for themselves.
The motel itself, once they step in, isn't anything that could be considered five stars by any means but, in a way, it's sort of charming that it isn't? Somehow it fits them a little better than fancy first class rooms. He brushes the backs of his fingers against Jason's arm and murmurs a gentle I'll be back as he goes up to the desk to get them a room. It doesn't take him long to pay and get their keycard before he's returning back to the other with a gentle smile on his lips. ]
Ok. Room get. No vibrating beds but complimentary TV is pretty good, right?
[ Jason nods, though he's not really hungry. He knows he just gets like this when his stomach is in knots, but the motel sounds like a much better idea. Feels like a relief. ]
You're gonna spend the night?
[ He watches Barry as they cross the street and head to the motels. How does he do it? How is he likes this? How can he just... not be angry at Jason? Or maybe he is and he's just not ready to let it out on him yet. But... that's never been Barry's way. Jason knows him better than that.
The motel is a lot better than many places Jason has stayed, so he really doesn't mind. He feels less like he's suffocating here, his shoulder losing their tension even more when Barry goes to get them a room, coming back with a smile. ]
Even just a bed's good at this point.
[ He hooks his fingers back around Barry's again, tugging them towards the rooms and waits for Barry to let them in with the keycard once they get to their room. His phone buzzes as they step inside and he pulls it out, shutting it off completely without even looking at it. He's only here for Barry right now. Fuck everyone else. ]
Uh... we better? I mean, I know this isn't like the Ritz Carlton or something, but.
[ The soft click of the door shutting behind them is heard ad Barry drops his bag down to the nearby chair. The room has two beds in it, just big enough for two people to sleep in. TV, bathroom with standing shower, fan, mini fridge in the dresser bottom. All the basics one expects out of a room like this. The lamp is flicked on with the harsher lights turned off, Barry dropping his phone and wallet down to the table between the two beds as he begins to take his hoodie off. ]
Alrighty. Food time. [ A beat, he looks over to Jason. ] You wanna watch TV or something? Maybe there's dirty channels.
[ Glancing over to the TV, he chuckles then. ]
Nah, they probably scramble that and you gotta pay extra.
[ Smile on his lips, he drops down to sit on one of the bed and grabs the phone off the hook there on the table, dialing up something for them to eat. ]
[ Barry's gonna stay. Spend the night. As much as he was trying to get rid of his boyfriend, he's never been so goddamn relieved that someone was gonna stay.
He pulls the hood down off his head and kicks his shoes off, glancing around the room, checking the bathroom. It's not the worst, but even if it was, this is exactly where Jason would want to stay as long as Barry was here. ]
Nah, no TV. Maybe later.
[ He's not in the mood for extra noise, or porn. He sits down close to Barry on the bed, leaning in to rest his head against the other's shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment when Barry calls to get some food. ]
[ Fingers stroke over Jason's knee when he sits there beside him, smiling a bit with the phone pressed to his ear before he goes about placing an order for a large pizza and some chicken wings. He figures that... will be good enough? Even if Jason himself isn't in the mood to eat, at least they have something and a particular speedster has food to fuel himself with.
When the order is placed and done, he drops the phone down to the hook and sighs a bit. ]
Food is ordered.
[ Lifting a hand, he gently cards his fingers through the other's hair and just sits there with him. Quiet. Letting only the outside noise gently filter its way into their room before he finally turns his head to brush lips over Jason's forehead, pressing the softest of kisses there and letting them linger as he speaks, voice soft. ]
[ Maybe once the food is actually here he'll eat some. He's already feeling a little better than he was when Barry first texted him. Fuck, he really let that snowball out of control. He kinda wishes he could take it all back.
Jason knows the whole damn thing was his fault, and Barry shouldn't be here indulging him for it. But in a way, it feels like Barry gets it, too. He gets that so much of it is just Jason's bullshit bravado. This stupid thing inside of him that has to push people away. All of this messy insecurity that makes him feel wrong.
Still, it isn't fair that Barry has to put up with it.
Even now, when Barry is being so soft an affectionate with him, Jason isn't sure how much he wants to give away. ]
[ Barry knows that's more or less what it is and that's why he hasn't taken it to heart. It had been a little difficult at first to read what he'd been sent โ stung a little even. But he'd reminded himself that this just... happens sometimes. Especially over text and the best way to diffuse it all was to be there in person. To see Jason and have Jason see him. It's seemed to work thus far in calming him down. Even if it means putting Barry in the position of having to drop everything and go running to him. Some might think Jason taking advantage of the speedster in that regard. Some might think he's toxic and slowly poisoning the speedster. Barry, however, just thinks sometimes life can be hard. Sometimes people have bad days and you can't give up on someone for something like that.
A tilt of his head, he hums a little as Jason asks. ]
Anything you'd like. Or... we don't have to. [ The smile he offers is gentle and reassuring, if not a little tired. ] But the offer's there if you want.
[ Nosing at his cheek, Barry presses a tender kiss there and just takes a moment to breathe as he lets his eyes fall shut. ]
[ Jason didn't want Barry dropping everything and running to him today. He was trying hard to get him not to. Maybe trying too hard, mixed with Barry's stubborn persistence... yeah.
The thing is, Jason knows that he's toxic. He knows he's poison- he thinks about it a lot. He knows that there's a damn good chance he's going to fuck Barry up, poison him, drag him down into whatever ugly bullshit winds around his insides, making him this way. That's part of why he said all that shit today, because he knows Barry deserves better, he just can't help but say it in a shitty way. That's what works, doesn't it? That's what gets people to get the fuck out before he fucks it up in the long run anyway.
There's a part of him that knows he's being selfish now, holding on to Barry and not wanting to let him go. Wanting to take back all the things he said. It's selfish, and maybe deep down he's just too weak.
It's not like this on all days. Some days he can see the light. Today just isn't one of those days.
He breathes out slowly when Barry kisses his cheek, telling him he loves him. It's not fair what those words alone can do to Jason, and he nuzzles back against Barry's face.]
Love you too. I shouldn't have taken my shit out on you. Don't know what my fucking problem is.
[ Sorry, Jason. Barry just isn't the type to give up on those he loves and cares about. Just ask his dad how he continues to not give up on him in jail.
The nuzzle he's given is a good sign, however, and Barry finds himself pressing another kiss there. Still soft. Still tender. Arms then coming to wrap around the other in a way that can draw him in close, Barry resting his chin on Jason's shoulder. ]
It was just a day. They happen sometimes.
[ Words he murmurs with a tilt of his head, carefully watching him as he continues to hold him. ]
Important thing to know is you're not alone and that we've got ourselves a super not at all fancy motel room for the night.
[Jason would get it if Barry did though, eventually. Most days he tries not to think about it, but on some, like today, Jason feels like it's inevitable. His life is made up of leaving.
But it's this constant war going on in his head. He desperately wants Barry to stay, but he knows how bad it'll be for Barry if he does. How bad Jason will be for his very core. He desperately wants this tenderness, but he knows he doesn't deserve it.
How can he possibly talk to Barry about any of this? And how can he talk to him about where the avalanche stemmed from, at least today? ]
Don't think it's just a day, Barry. It's inside me. You know that, right?
[Jason looks down at his hands on his lap, but then he sighs, leaning against Barry when the other draws him close.]
I don't wanna be alone...and that's fucking selfish of me. You deserve better than this shit.
[ When Jason leans into him, Barry holds him a little tighter, not at all afraid of being cut on the sharp edges that sometimes make up Jason. If anything, it makes him do just as he's doing now: hold him tighter.
To see Jason like this โ to hear the way he speaks about himself... it's hard and Barry just wants to make it all go away for him, but. He doesn't know how, isn't sure if there's really a way to just Make It Go Away. It doesn't feel like it. Maybe it is something inside him, like Jason says. But that's all the more reason to love him. To be here with him. To show him that he doesn't have to do this alone.
That he's not alone with this. ]
You're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm always here, my lightning rod.
[ Words he gently brushes over Jason's temple as lips press a tender kiss there, head ducking down while fingers stroke along the other's arm. ]
[ If he could take it all back now, he would. All those sharp words laced with poison that he used to try and push Barry away, but somehow got him to hold on even tighter. No one's ever held on tight, let alone like this. It's dangerous for Barry, maybe for both of them.
Jason's always been in it by himself, utterly and completely. After a while he told himself it was better that way. Less collateral damage from everything he tears through. He thought maybe Bruce could take it, but now he's here, away from what he found with the older man, and he knows soon enough this new team of his will get sick of him too.
They don't hold on the way Barry does, though.
Jason closes his eyes... squeezes them shut for a long moment, letting Barry's words sink into him deeply. It hurts. God, he's so fucked up that those words actually hurt, because they're so kind, so caring, so loving.
When he opens his eyes once again, he pulls back a little, just enough so he can tilt his head and look Barry in the eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, hand sliding to Barry's neck as he leans in kiss him deeply. ]
[ Barry doesn't care wat anyone might think of this or them. He's not giving up on Jason โ not giving up on them. Not unless Jason absolutely gives him reason to, but. Even then. It wouldn't be giving up so much as giving him whatever space he needs for himself; he'd still be there for him whenever he needs him.
When he feels the hand there on his neck, he looks over to Jason just in time to find himself caught in a kiss and he returns it with just as much feverish tenderness as the other pours into him.
Hands smooth along the other's body, clutching at him in places that can draw him just a little closer in and he offers Jason sweet little sounds of contentment throughout that kiss, lips brushing over his with quiet murmurs of I'm here and I love you. There isn't an ounce of hesitation in the way he says those things or how he touches and holds Jason. Every touch and brush of his lips spills another drop of tenderness to him in a way that he hopes might maybe serve as some sort of antidote to whatever poison is currently swimming through his emotions. Maybe not enough to fully wash it out, but enough to calm him from the effects it's having on him. To reassure him that he can do this.
[ Jason might not know what else to say right now, everything inside of him still so on the edge... but he can kiss Barry to tell him that he loves him too. That he wants this, and hears him... and wants to believe him.
He wants to believe that he's not alone, and that he's going to be okay. He wants to take in each and every tender touch and let it replace the worst of what's inside of him. Jason kisses him, pulling those words into himself when Barry whispers them against his lips, and little by little, the longer the kiss, the more everything drops away to the background.
The hand that isn't on Barry's neck moves across his chest, fingers curling into his shirt to pull him closer, but then Jason is the one moving, straddling Barry as he slides into his lap. He barely breaks the kiss before he's right back to it, deepening the kiss intensely. ]
[ When Jason suddenly moves into his lap, Barry lets him, shifting a bit to make it a little easier for the both of them there on the bed. That is, until he just comes to fall back against the bed with him, pulling Jason down on top of him as he does.
Hands smooth their way along the other's sides and back, touching him in ways he knows Jason likes and adores. Lips never stray too far from the ones they steal constant tender kisses from, soft sighs and smiles brushing against them every now and then. ]
You're so good, baby.
[ He presses the words in a whisper against Jason's lips, the pad of his thumb coming up to drag along Jason's bottom lip before he steals a slow and tender kiss from him. Savoring it โ savoring him.
Shifting a bit there on the bed, he lets the tips of his fingers slip under that hoodie, ghost along warm skin hidden beneath and slide their way up along the curve of his spine. Just feeling him like this. Here on top of him. Enjoying the warmth and the touch and the feel of him so close again. ]
[ Jason likes this a hell of a lot more, pressing himself against Barry as they fall back against the bed. he doesn't want to stop kissing him, so he absolutely doesn't, one chased with another and another, until there's a small smile forming on his face.
his hands slide up Barry's chest, over his shoulders, his neck, into his hair. Jason wants to run his fingers over every last bit of him that he can, knowing that it won't disappear. Barry won't just disappear. he's solid and real under him, just as much as he says he is.
Jason watches his face when they're not kissing, taking in that look as well. he's not really sure how Barry means all the things he says, but Jason can feel it curl around his heart. he kisses the finger that traces under his lip, then goes back to indulging in slow, sweet kisses, shivering when Barry's fingers trail up along his skin. ]
I'm the one who's lucky.
[ Jason says against Barry's lips, dropping another kiss to follow, before his lips slide to his jaw to kiss all along there as well. ]
[ The way Jason presses fingers and lips to wherever he pleases on him has Barry sigh in contentment, back pressing a little harder into the mattress. His head tilts back, a quiet sound of pleasure on his lips, eyes falling shut as he drinks up every little touch and kiss he's given.
His own hands bunch up Jason's shirt some as he lays there beneath him, pressing the tips of his fingers warmly into skin hidden beneath that hoodie. His head spins, delightfully so, eyes fluttering open and wearing with a glassy sort of adoration for the other in them. It feels nice to feel Jason this close. To know that he's here with him. That he has him โ he hasn't slipped away. ]
You won't ever have to find out.
[ Fingers of a hand reach up to card through the other's hair, Barry humming softly to himself as he lolls his head to the side and looks up to him, expression warm and soft like the smile that slowly touches his lips. ]
[ Jason has always had a thing about promises. He hates them because they're never real. They're words that are thrown out there so easily and thrown away even easier than that. No one keeps their word, and no one follows through on promises. They've always made him recoil, pull away more, knowing how many lies are wrapped up in that one word alone.
But in this moment, his body presses tight against Barry's, soft, loving kisses being peppered all along his skin... Jason thinks maybe, maybe this time it's different. Maybe he can believe it to be true.
No one's ever loved him before either. No one's stuck around with him for this long, despite how much he's wrecked into it all.
He just looks down at Barry quietly for a long moment, letting his fingers brush under that soft smile. Jason believes him. He nods, hoping that it shows in his eyes too. After that, he decides he wants... he needs to feel more of Barry's hands on his skin, so he sits up, reluctantly pulling away from more kisses, yanking off his hoodie and t-shirt in one go. He tosses it all aside, then presses back down against Barry, kissing him deeper, more needy.]
[ When the shirt and hoodie come off, Barry hums in appreciation at the sight of warm skin. Hands freely roam their way over that chest and shoulders, just long enough to enjoy the feel of skin beneath his fingertips before Jason is diving down for another kiss that Barry happily returns.
His own lips brush just as feverishly over Jason's, hands letting fingers card through strands of dark hair and messing it all up a little. He feels as if he's melting both into the mattress and against Jason himself and he loves it. Loves this. Loves him. Right here and now.
The gentle word of baby leaves his lips between kisses, Barry tilting his head back to let a pleased little moan slip from his lips. He wants to be the one to shower Jason in kisses, to show and tell him that he's here and it's ok but... Jason feels so nice against him like this, it's like he's been starved for it and he hasn't even known what with being so busy focused on making sure Jason is the one who feels needed and wanted and doesn't starve from affection.
Breaths become a little quick, a little more desperate, skin flushed and hands stroking down the other's back. He squirms against the other, as if needing to be even closer than he already is with him...
[ Jason is dead set on touching Barry everywhere, kissing him everywhere he can. With his head tilted back, Jason's kisses travel down to his neck, nipping and sucking lightly until he gets to a decent enough spot and starts sucking a little harder to mark him. He wants Barry to look in the mirror and see him there, even when they aren't together.
His hands push Barry's shirt up, exploring some more in a very slow and deliberate way, fingers splaying out, then drawing back together again.
When Barry starts to squirm under him, Jason smirks against his skin, slowly starting to rock his hips down against his boyfriend's growing erection. He can feel it pressing against his own, trying to get his attention. Jason can feel himself growing harder at those small, desperate sounds Barry is making, so he grinds down just a touch harder for more friction- all still nice and slow. ]
Fuck, you're beautiful.
[ Jason breathes out as his lips find Barry's again, kissing him in a deep, almost sloppy way- until there's that damn knock at the door. ]
Fuck. Fuck. I'll get it.
[ Jason pulls away and hops off the bed, laughing softly as he nearly trips over his own clothes on the way to the door. He doesn't even bother to hide his erection as he answers the door, grabbing their food and tips the guy well before he slams the door shut and sets the food aside, then undoes his pants as he comes back to the bed. ]
You wanna stop and eat?
[he's kidding. he's totally kidding... unless barry wants to. ]
[ As Jason goes to answer the door, Barry takes a moment to compose himself, swallowing thickly as he comes to sit up on his elbows there on the bed. Hair a mess, skin flushed and clothes disheveled, he lets teeth sink into his bottom lip as Jason handles paying and taking the food, fingers scratching along the back of his neck as he waits for them to be alone again.
When they are, he smiles, laughter softly spilling from his as he ducks his head into his shoulder. To tempt a speedster with food, if even jokingly, is dirty pool. ]
I mean... I could do with eating you.
[ The smile he wears as he says that slowly grows until laughter is had at how yeah that sounds, Barry tucking his face into his arm a if embarrassed. ]
I can wait. [ He says then, looking up with an almost shy smile on his lips, hair falling in front of his face. ] You're a little more important than my late night snacking.
[ Jason knows it's the worst kinda teasing, but he just can't help himself. It's too good of an opportunity. He smirks at Barry's obvious response, climbing back onto the bed and moving on top of Barry again.
He stays seated as he straddles his lap though, undoing his boyfriend's pants before he starts palming at him. ]
Hey, I could be a part of your late night snacking.
[ Jason smirks at his own bad joke, finally leaning back in. He captures Barry's lower lip between his teeth, tugging a bit before he lets go and kisses him again, much deeper. Just getting up to get the food was already too much distance. ]
Want you so bad.
[ He says between kisses, hand sliding into his underwear to wrap around his cock, wanting him nice and ready. ]
[ The laugh he gives at that late night snacking joke is warm and bubbly, much like Barry himself can be... when not awkward, but. You know.
Either way, when pants come undone and lips find their way back to his, he moans in ways he only ever does for Jason, fingers lifting to card through the other's hair at the back of his head. When he cock is pulled free and fingers find themselves wrapped around it, he gasps. Breathless. Eyes falling shut and forehead bumping at Jason's as his head spins in how good it feels to be touched by his boyfriend again.
Lips part, soundless, and it takes him a moment before he can string together a few words to reply to those that Jason gives to him. ]
Want you, too.
[ Murmured, he nuzzles at Jason's face, eyes still shut and licking over his lips as he pants a little. ]
[ That laugh makes Jason feel so much more connected to the world, so much less stuck in his own fucked up head. He was feeling guilty for dragging Barry away from what he was doing before, but he needed this. Jason needed him so much.
He strokes Barry slowly, hips rocking with it, just breathing in his breath for a bit, sharing this nearly quiet moment between the two of them. Nearly quiet only because of Barry's sweet moans that Jason wants to pull into himself with more kisses. ]
Missed you too. So fucking much.
[ It hasn't been all that long really- a few days since Barry met up with him here at Titans Tower when Jason settled in. But those few days have felt like forever, and somehow like much more of a distance between them. Everything has felt more distant, even in his own head, but the longer he kisses Barry, the more he feels like it's coming back to him. ]
Gonna ride you, baby. How does that sound?
[ He murmurs against Barry's lips, thumb running over the head of his cock. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Doesn't seem to matter to Barry though, and Jason knows... he knows he should be damn grateful for it.
The silence shifts from odd to more comfortable the more they walk along. Barry doesn't expect him to talk, doesn't push him for conversation, and doesn't try to pry anything out of him. At least for now, until he can warm up to the idea, but Barry can get him to do that too. For now though, they just walk until they hit the strip of stores. ]
Fucking exhausted. But we can eat if you want.
no subject
[ He reassures with a shake of his head and a smile on his lips, fingers squeezing to the hand they hold. ]
Come on. Let's see what these rooms are like. Maybe we can put quarters in a vibrating bed.
[ The tug he gives to Jason is just enough to get him to go along with him and he's careful as they go to cross the street, keeping the other close at his side with his bag still slung over his shoulder. He's starving a little himself what with his having ran all the way here but, like he said, he can order them in some food once they have a room for themselves.
The motel itself, once they step in, isn't anything that could be considered five stars by any means but, in a way, it's sort of charming that it isn't? Somehow it fits them a little better than fancy first class rooms. He brushes the backs of his fingers against Jason's arm and murmurs a gentle I'll be back as he goes up to the desk to get them a room. It doesn't take him long to pay and get their keycard before he's returning back to the other with a gentle smile on his lips. ]
Ok. Room get. No vibrating beds but complimentary TV is pretty good, right?
no subject
You're gonna spend the night?
[ He watches Barry as they cross the street and head to the motels. How does he do it? How is he likes this? How can he just... not be angry at Jason? Or maybe he is and he's just not ready to let it out on him yet. But... that's never been Barry's way. Jason knows him better than that.
The motel is a lot better than many places Jason has stayed, so he really doesn't mind. He feels less like he's suffocating here, his shoulder losing their tension even more when Barry goes to get them a room, coming back with a smile. ]
Even just a bed's good at this point.
[ He hooks his fingers back around Barry's again, tugging them towards the rooms and waits for Barry to let them in with the keycard once they get to their room. His phone buzzes as they step inside and he pulls it out, shutting it off completely without even looking at it. He's only here for Barry right now. Fuck everyone else. ]
Think we even got clean sheets.
no subject
[ The soft click of the door shutting behind them is heard ad Barry drops his bag down to the nearby chair. The room has two beds in it, just big enough for two people to sleep in. TV, bathroom with standing shower, fan, mini fridge in the dresser bottom. All the basics one expects out of a room like this. The lamp is flicked on with the harsher lights turned off, Barry dropping his phone and wallet down to the table between the two beds as he begins to take his hoodie off. ]
Alrighty. Food time. [ A beat, he looks over to Jason. ] You wanna watch TV or something? Maybe there's dirty channels.
[ Glancing over to the TV, he chuckles then. ]
Nah, they probably scramble that and you gotta pay extra.
[ Smile on his lips, he drops down to sit on one of the bed and grabs the phone off the hook there on the table, dialing up something for them to eat. ]
no subject
[ Barry's gonna stay. Spend the night. As much as he was trying to get rid of his boyfriend, he's never been so goddamn relieved that someone was gonna stay.
He pulls the hood down off his head and kicks his shoes off, glancing around the room, checking the bathroom. It's not the worst, but even if it was, this is exactly where Jason would want to stay as long as Barry was here. ]
Nah, no TV. Maybe later.
[ He's not in the mood for extra noise, or porn. He sits down close to Barry on the bed, leaning in to rest his head against the other's shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment when Barry calls to get some food. ]
no subject
When the order is placed and done, he drops the phone down to the hook and sighs a bit. ]
Food is ordered.
[ Lifting a hand, he gently cards his fingers through the other's hair and just sits there with him. Quiet. Letting only the outside noise gently filter its way into their room before he finally turns his head to brush lips over Jason's forehead, pressing the softest of kisses there and letting them linger as he speaks, voice soft. ]
Do you wanna talk?
no subject
Jason knows the whole damn thing was his fault, and Barry shouldn't be here indulging him for it. But in a way, it feels like Barry gets it, too. He gets that so much of it is just Jason's bullshit bravado. This stupid thing inside of him that has to push people away. All of this messy insecurity that makes him feel wrong.
Still, it isn't fair that Barry has to put up with it.
Even now, when Barry is being so soft an affectionate with him, Jason isn't sure how much he wants to give away. ]
What do you wanna talk about?
no subject
A tilt of his head, he hums a little as Jason asks. ]
Anything you'd like. Or... we don't have to. [ The smile he offers is gentle and reassuring, if not a little tired. ] But the offer's there if you want.
[ Nosing at his cheek, Barry presses a tender kiss there and just takes a moment to breathe as he lets his eyes fall shut. ]
I love you. I'm sorry today was bad for you.
no subject
The thing is, Jason knows that he's toxic. He knows he's poison- he thinks about it a lot. He knows that there's a damn good chance he's going to fuck Barry up, poison him, drag him down into whatever ugly bullshit winds around his insides, making him this way. That's part of why he said all that shit today, because he knows Barry deserves better, he just can't help but say it in a shitty way. That's what works, doesn't it? That's what gets people to get the fuck out before he fucks it up in the long run anyway.
There's a part of him that knows he's being selfish now, holding on to Barry and not wanting to let him go. Wanting to take back all the things he said. It's selfish, and maybe deep down he's just too weak.
It's not like this on all days. Some days he can see the light. Today just isn't one of those days.
He breathes out slowly when Barry kisses his cheek, telling him he loves him. It's not fair what those words alone can do to Jason, and he nuzzles back against Barry's face.]
Love you too. I shouldn't have taken my shit out on you. Don't know what my fucking problem is.
no subject
The nuzzle he's given is a good sign, however, and Barry finds himself pressing another kiss there. Still soft. Still tender. Arms then coming to wrap around the other in a way that can draw him in close, Barry resting his chin on Jason's shoulder. ]
It was just a day. They happen sometimes.
[ Words he murmurs with a tilt of his head, carefully watching him as he continues to hold him. ]
Important thing to know is you're not alone and that we've got ourselves a super not at all fancy motel room for the night.
no subject
But it's this constant war going on in his head. He desperately wants Barry to stay, but he knows how bad it'll be for Barry if he does. How bad Jason will be for his very core. He desperately wants this tenderness, but he knows he doesn't deserve it.
How can he possibly talk to Barry about any of this? And how can he talk to him about where the avalanche stemmed from, at least today? ]
Don't think it's just a day, Barry. It's inside me. You know that, right?
[Jason looks down at his hands on his lap, but then he sighs, leaning against Barry when the other draws him close.]
I don't wanna be alone...and that's fucking selfish of me. You deserve better than this shit.
no subject
To see Jason like this โ to hear the way he speaks about himself... it's hard and Barry just wants to make it all go away for him, but. He doesn't know how, isn't sure if there's really a way to just Make It Go Away. It doesn't feel like it. Maybe it is something inside him, like Jason says. But that's all the more reason to love him. To be here with him. To show him that he doesn't have to do this alone.
That he's not alone with this. ]
You're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm always here, my lightning rod.
[ Words he gently brushes over Jason's temple as lips press a tender kiss there, head ducking down while fingers stroke along the other's arm. ]
I love you. You're ok.
no subject
Jason's always been in it by himself, utterly and completely. After a while he told himself it was better that way. Less collateral damage from everything he tears through. He thought maybe Bruce could take it, but now he's here, away from what he found with the older man, and he knows soon enough this new team of his will get sick of him too.
They don't hold on the way Barry does, though.
Jason closes his eyes... squeezes them shut for a long moment, letting Barry's words sink into him deeply. It hurts. God, he's so fucked up that those words actually hurt, because they're so kind, so caring, so loving.
When he opens his eyes once again, he pulls back a little, just enough so he can tilt his head and look Barry in the eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, hand sliding to Barry's neck as he leans in kiss him deeply. ]
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When he feels the hand there on his neck, he looks over to Jason just in time to find himself caught in a kiss and he returns it with just as much feverish tenderness as the other pours into him.
Hands smooth along the other's body, clutching at him in places that can draw him just a little closer in and he offers Jason sweet little sounds of contentment throughout that kiss, lips brushing over his with quiet murmurs of I'm here and I love you. There isn't an ounce of hesitation in the way he says those things or how he touches and holds Jason. Every touch and brush of his lips spills another drop of tenderness to him in a way that he hopes might maybe serve as some sort of antidote to whatever poison is currently swimming through his emotions. Maybe not enough to fully wash it out, but enough to calm him from the effects it's having on him. To reassure him that he can do this.
That he's not alone. ]
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He wants to believe that he's not alone, and that he's going to be okay. He wants to take in each and every tender touch and let it replace the worst of what's inside of him. Jason kisses him, pulling those words into himself when Barry whispers them against his lips, and little by little, the longer the kiss, the more everything drops away to the background.
The hand that isn't on Barry's neck moves across his chest, fingers curling into his shirt to pull him closer, but then Jason is the one moving, straddling Barry as he slides into his lap. He barely breaks the kiss before he's right back to it, deepening the kiss intensely. ]
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Hands smooth their way along the other's sides and back, touching him in ways he knows Jason likes and adores. Lips never stray too far from the ones they steal constant tender kisses from, soft sighs and smiles brushing against them every now and then. ]
You're so good, baby.
[ He presses the words in a whisper against Jason's lips, the pad of his thumb coming up to drag along Jason's bottom lip before he steals a slow and tender kiss from him. Savoring it โ savoring him.
Shifting a bit there on the bed, he lets the tips of his fingers slip under that hoodie, ghost along warm skin hidden beneath and slide their way up along the curve of his spine. Just feeling him like this. Here on top of him. Enjoying the warmth and the touch and the feel of him so close again. ]
I'm so lucky to have you.
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his hands slide up Barry's chest, over his shoulders, his neck, into his hair. Jason wants to run his fingers over every last bit of him that he can, knowing that it won't disappear. Barry won't just disappear. he's solid and real under him, just as much as he says he is.
Jason watches his face when they're not kissing, taking in that look as well. he's not really sure how Barry means all the things he says, but Jason can feel it curl around his heart. he kisses the finger that traces under his lip, then goes back to indulging in slow, sweet kisses, shivering when Barry's fingers trail up along his skin. ]
I'm the one who's lucky.
[ Jason says against Barry's lips, dropping another kiss to follow, before his lips slide to his jaw to kiss all along there as well. ]
Don't know what I'd do without you.
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His own hands bunch up Jason's shirt some as he lays there beneath him, pressing the tips of his fingers warmly into skin hidden beneath that hoodie. His head spins, delightfully so, eyes fluttering open and wearing with a glassy sort of adoration for the other in them. It feels nice to feel Jason this close. To know that he's here with him. That he has him โ he hasn't slipped away. ]
You won't ever have to find out.
[ Fingers of a hand reach up to card through the other's hair, Barry humming softly to himself as he lolls his head to the side and looks up to him, expression warm and soft like the smile that slowly touches his lips. ]
Promise.
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But in this moment, his body presses tight against Barry's, soft, loving kisses being peppered all along his skin... Jason thinks maybe, maybe this time it's different. Maybe he can believe it to be true.
No one's ever loved him before either. No one's stuck around with him for this long, despite how much he's wrecked into it all.
He just looks down at Barry quietly for a long moment, letting his fingers brush under that soft smile. Jason believes him. He nods, hoping that it shows in his eyes too. After that, he decides he wants... he needs to feel more of Barry's hands on his skin, so he sits up, reluctantly pulling away from more kisses, yanking off his hoodie and t-shirt in one go. He tosses it all aside, then presses back down against Barry, kissing him deeper, more needy.]
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His own lips brush just as feverishly over Jason's, hands letting fingers card through strands of dark hair and messing it all up a little. He feels as if he's melting both into the mattress and against Jason himself and he loves it. Loves this. Loves him. Right here and now.
The gentle word of baby leaves his lips between kisses, Barry tilting his head back to let a pleased little moan slip from his lips. He wants to be the one to shower Jason in kisses, to show and tell him that he's here and it's ok but... Jason feels so nice against him like this, it's like he's been starved for it and he hasn't even known what with being so busy focused on making sure Jason is the one who feels needed and wanted and doesn't starve from affection.
Breaths become a little quick, a little more desperate, skin flushed and hands stroking down the other's back. He squirms against the other, as if needing to be even closer than he already is with him...
...and then there's a knock at the door.
Food. Right. It's here. ]
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His hands push Barry's shirt up, exploring some more in a very slow and deliberate way, fingers splaying out, then drawing back together again.
When Barry starts to squirm under him, Jason smirks against his skin, slowly starting to rock his hips down against his boyfriend's growing erection. He can feel it pressing against his own, trying to get his attention. Jason can feel himself growing harder at those small, desperate sounds Barry is making, so he grinds down just a touch harder for more friction- all still nice and slow. ]
Fuck, you're beautiful.
[ Jason breathes out as his lips find Barry's again, kissing him in a deep, almost sloppy way- until there's that damn knock at the door. ]
Fuck. Fuck. I'll get it.
[ Jason pulls away and hops off the bed, laughing softly as he nearly trips over his own clothes on the way to the door. He doesn't even bother to hide his erection as he answers the door, grabbing their food and tips the guy well before he slams the door shut and sets the food aside, then undoes his pants as he comes back to the bed. ]
You wanna stop and eat?
[he's kidding. he's totally kidding... unless barry wants to. ]
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When they are, he smiles, laughter softly spilling from his as he ducks his head into his shoulder. To tempt a speedster with food, if even jokingly, is dirty pool. ]
I mean... I could do with eating you.
[ The smile he wears as he says that slowly grows until laughter is had at how yeah that sounds, Barry tucking his face into his arm a if embarrassed. ]
I can wait. [ He says then, looking up with an almost shy smile on his lips, hair falling in front of his face. ] You're a little more important than my late night snacking.
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He stays seated as he straddles his lap though, undoing his boyfriend's pants before he starts palming at him. ]
Hey, I could be a part of your late night snacking.
[ Jason smirks at his own bad joke, finally leaning back in. He captures Barry's lower lip between his teeth, tugging a bit before he lets go and kisses him again, much deeper. Just getting up to get the food was already too much distance. ]
Want you so bad.
[ He says between kisses, hand sliding into his underwear to wrap around his cock, wanting him nice and ready. ]
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Either way, when pants come undone and lips find their way back to his, he moans in ways he only ever does for Jason, fingers lifting to card through the other's hair at the back of his head. When he cock is pulled free and fingers find themselves wrapped around it, he gasps. Breathless. Eyes falling shut and forehead bumping at Jason's as his head spins in how good it feels to be touched by his boyfriend again.
Lips part, soundless, and it takes him a moment before he can string together a few words to reply to those that Jason gives to him. ]
Want you, too.
[ Murmured, he nuzzles at Jason's face, eyes still shut and licking over his lips as he pants a little. ]
I've missed you.
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He strokes Barry slowly, hips rocking with it, just breathing in his breath for a bit, sharing this nearly quiet moment between the two of them. Nearly quiet only because of Barry's sweet moans that Jason wants to pull into himself with more kisses. ]
Missed you too. So fucking much.
[ It hasn't been all that long really- a few days since Barry met up with him here at Titans Tower when Jason settled in. But those few days have felt like forever, and somehow like much more of a distance between them. Everything has felt more distant, even in his own head, but the longer he kisses Barry, the more he feels like it's coming back to him. ]
Gonna ride you, baby. How does that sound?
[ He murmurs against Barry's lips, thumb running over the head of his cock. ]
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