[ He sort of hates this because he doesn't want Jason to feel bad or guilty for his own neglecting of him he just... needs to find more time. Somehow. If not that then... to find a way to accept that he can't be everywhere all at once. That he just... can't save everyone. Even if he wants to. Even if he'll keep trying to. Because that's just the sort of person Barry Allen is.
Having this moment here of letting his thoughts fall quiet and just having Jason right here... he lets his eyes open after a moment, forehead still pressed to his. ]
[ but it's not Barry's fault. Jason just doesn't know. and he wishes Barry would tell him when he's feeling like this, or needs to work something out, but... there's a lot on his mind, and Jason doesn't know what it feels like for time to move differently, but... he wants to try and understand it.
Jason looks at Barry when he opens his eyes to look at him, and with a soft nod, Jason leans in to press his lips against Barry's, his previous hurt slowly melting away. ]
[ The second he has those lips against his again, everything suddenly feels ok again. The thoughts, the guilt, the worry, the fatigue. It all disappears only to be replaced with the warmth of Jason here. A warmth he's missed dearly.
He noses at him after a moment, sigh there on his lips, and eyes still shut as he presses his forehead a little more firmly against Jason's. Needing that warmth β that closeness. ]
Think I really needed that.
[ He murmurs, bringing a hand up to softly caress against Jason's neck, gaze lingering on the other's collarbones. ]
[he feels it too. everything fades into the background as he kisses Barry a little deeper, softly, pulling him closer.
Jason keeps scratching his fingers lightly through Barry's hair, forehead resting firmly against his, but leaning in to press another soft kiss against his lips.]
Me too.
[he's needed this so badly, but he didn't realize just how much Barry's needed him too.]
I don't want you to take your stuff either. Your stuff belongs here. My stuff belongs there. We belong to each other.
[ The smile he wears at those words and those touches is soft and tired but gently warm in a way that is almost how he normally is. When he's not bogged down by stress and anxieties. ]
I always love you. If I ever do drop dead from trying to save everyone, at least I got to meet you. Least I got to have this with you and for that, I'll always feel lucky.
[ Letting eyes fall shut, he noses at Jason again, forehead still against his to keep that closeness. ]
I'm just gonna... stay here tonight. If that's ok.
[Jason keeps combing his fingers through Barry's hair, keeping him close. that smile is so tired, but warm, and Jason truly has missed Barry with every fiber of his being, but he doesn't want to make things worse for him.]
Me too, Barry. But you're not gonna drop dead from trying to save everyone, alright? We'll figure out a way to make this better. I'm here for you, okay? I just need you to talk to me. I wanna understand all of this, alright? I wanna be here for you. I'm sorry if I made this harder on you.
[he says quietly, needing Barry to know this.]
Yeah, babe. Of course it's okay. Come on, let's go to bed, alright? You need to get some rest.
[ Rest sounds good. Really good. Especially with having Jason here with him. So he nods when the suggestion of going to bed is given, looking down to his poorly buttoned up shirt he's got going on currently before he lets go of a sigh and starts to slowly unbutton with a nod. ]
Feels like I'm running on no sleep almost. Whichβ funny, right?
[ Letting Jason push his shirt off (though he still has his t-shirt on under) for him, he smiles, hum there on his lips as he moves his arms a bit to help. ]
Mm, road trip back to Central?
[ He huffs a lazy laugh, reaching down to go about tugging his shoes off at the heel. ]
I mean... if you don't mind the place looking like a mess... I wouldn't say no to having you there.
[ Jason leaves Barry's t-shirt on, but he moves to kneel down between his legs to help him with his shoes, his socks. ]
Road trip back to Central, yeah. That sounds like a great idea. I don't mind the place looking like a mess, you know I don't. I can even help you clean it if you want. I can be there with you and help you out with whatever you need.
[he reaches up to undo Barry's pants, then gently pushes him to lay back so he can tug them down.]
[ When pushed, he lets himself be, back softly hitting the bed as he looks up to the ceiling while Jason takes to removing his shoes. It's weird... Jason taking care of him like this when he'd been the one to have upset him with being so... detached. From him. From everyone and everything. Trying to wrestle with the hundreds of thoughts and anxieties swirling around in his head. He came to see him β to apologize and see if he could somehow fix it and yet... now he's the one trying to be fixed. Being apologized to.
Letting out a breath, he brings a hand up and lazily cards his fingers through his hair, brown eyes staring up to the ceiling still as he listens to Jason. ]
I'm sorry. [ He says then. ] I... came to say I was sorry to you and now you're the one trying to make me feel better when I should be making you feel better.
[Jason gets his pants off all the way, tossing them aside before he's back on the bed, moving to sit next to Barry's shoulder so he can look at him.]
I didn't get it, ok? I just needed you to talk to me. I needed to understand what was going on and now I do. I thought you were sick of me. I didn't know all of this was going on in your head.
[ Jason slides his fingers over Barry's, wanting that contact too. ]
Thanks for saying that. Sometimes I just get really fucking insecure, and I guess I need to hear it.
[he admits, because he can admit those things to Barry. when they're together, Jason realize these things. when they're apart, it all just sneaks into his brain in a weird way and fucks him up.]
Yeah. I know what it's like to get used to not having anyone to touch base with, to talk to. Maybe we can try and do that more. I can do a better job of reminding you.
[Jason curls his fingers around Barry's, leaning in to kiss his forehead. he's not sure if he handled this like a good boyfriend or a good person at all.]
But I wanna be, as much as I can. I don't wanna be just another thing you gotta stress about.
If you weren't, I wouldn't be here right now, baby.
[ Words he mumbles softly as a means to reassure the other before he gives him a warm smile, soft as it is. Choosing to curl in then, he lets an arm reach out to drape over the other's waist a little lazily, wanting to just be near him and have him here when they haven't had something like this in however long now.
Cheek pressed into the mattress, he lazily blinks his eyes at him, still gently keeping that smile there on his lips. ]
[ Barry curling into him has Jason letting out a soft breath. it's like the last of his tension leaves him, and those words build him back up in a different way. a less frantic and fractured way.
Jason slides his hand up Barry's arm, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck before his fingers push into his hair. it's so good to be able to touch and hold Barry again. the contact is what they both seem to need. ]
You are. You're here with me. And I'm here with you too. I should've been there for you more. You're not alone and I don't want you to feel like you are.
[ All of this right here is what they both need - what they've both been craving. To finally have it again after all this time away and apart... it's beautiful, he thinks. It's beautiful and it's all he wants. That and Jason. ]
You're not either. [ He says, soft, eyes falling shut while he keeps himself close to him. ] No matter how much those thoughts try to tell you otherwise, you're not.
[ Lazily letting his eyes flutter open just a little, he smiles to the other, fingers gently caressing at Jason's chest. ]
[ he does feel alone a lot, especially lately. he tries with the Titans but he still feels out of place here. he tried with Barry but he thought it wasn't working. he knows better now, and laying here with him now, he doesn't feel alone at all. ]
I know. Sometimes I just really need to hear it.
[Jason scoots down closer to Barry so they're completely face to face now, and he slides his hand down the other's face, thumb running back and forth across his lower lip.]
You have me. You'll always have me, whether time moves fast or slow.
[ For that, he's grateful, and he shows that with the quiet little hum there on his lips as he leans in to nose at Jason's cheek with being so much closer now. ]
Time moving slow with you is my favorite.
[ He murmurs, letting his eyes fall shut again as he nuzzles at the other's face, getting himself comfortable against Jason. ]
[ he feels so stupid now, for jumping to conclusions, for letting himself get so hurt. it all feels like so much sometimes, but now that they're together again he feels the truth of it.
he nuzzles back softly, then finds Barry's lips and kisses him again, slow and soft, letting his lips linger.]
It's my favorite too. Everything with you is.
[and maybe with Jason being in Central City with Barry, things can slow down for him a little. maybe not all the way, but Jason can do whatever he can to help.]
I love you, sweetheart. Get some sleep, alright? We'll figure it all out tomorrow.
[ Slowing down isn't always so bad. In moments like these? Right here with Jason? They're lovely. Just like him.
So he does as the other asks β settles in with a quiet sigh, head nuzzling at Jason's shoulder and he relaxes, best he can, not letting those thoughts claim him in a whirlwind of anxiety he can barely ignore. ]
I love you, too. Always.
[ Right here. Right now. For as long as he's on this plane of existence. ]
[ Jason hopes that if he holds Barry tight enough, long enough, maybe those whirlwind thoughts will stay away for long enough. at least long enough for a night of sleep.
curled up like this, it's easier for Jason to fall asleep too, and he only wakes when the sun starts poking his eyes out with how bright it is. he curls his head into Barry's, relieved that he's still here, and that none of this was a dream. ]
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Having this moment here of letting his thoughts fall quiet and just having Jason right here... he lets his eyes open after a moment, forehead still pressed to his. ]
Kiss me?
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Jason looks at Barry when he opens his eyes to look at him, and with a soft nod, Jason leans in to press his lips against Barry's, his previous hurt slowly melting away. ]
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He noses at him after a moment, sigh there on his lips, and eyes still shut as he presses his forehead a little more firmly against Jason's. Needing that warmth β that closeness. ]
Think I really needed that.
[ He murmurs, bringing a hand up to softly caress against Jason's neck, gaze lingering on the other's collarbones. ]
I don't want to take my stuff.
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Jason keeps scratching his fingers lightly through Barry's hair, forehead resting firmly against his, but leaning in to press another soft kiss against his lips.]
Me too.
[he's needed this so badly, but he didn't realize just how much Barry's needed him too.]
I don't want you to take your stuff either. Your stuff belongs here. My stuff belongs there. We belong to each other.
I'm sorry I freaked out, Barry. I love you.
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I always love you. If I ever do drop dead from trying to save everyone, at least I got to meet you. Least I got to have this with you and for that, I'll always feel lucky.
[ Letting eyes fall shut, he noses at Jason again, forehead still against his to keep that closeness. ]
I'm just gonna... stay here tonight. If that's ok.
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Me too, Barry. But you're not gonna drop dead from trying to save everyone, alright? We'll figure out a way to make this better. I'm here for you, okay? I just need you to talk to me. I wanna understand all of this, alright? I wanna be here for you. I'm sorry if I made this harder on you.
[he says quietly, needing Barry to know this.]
Yeah, babe. Of course it's okay. Come on, let's go to bed, alright? You need to get some rest.
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Feels like I'm running on no sleep almost. Whichβ funny, right?
[ Because he's a speedster and he... runs. ]
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[he says softly, reaching out to help Barry unbutton his shirt.]
You need to take care of yourself. Or let me help you. Both, I wish, but...
[Jason pauses, pushing Barry's shirt off his shoulders slowly.]
Do you want me to come back with you? Stay there for a while?
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Mm, road trip back to Central?
[ He huffs a lazy laugh, reaching down to go about tugging his shoes off at the heel. ]
I mean... if you don't mind the place looking like a mess... I wouldn't say no to having you there.
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Road trip back to Central, yeah. That sounds like a great idea. I don't mind the place looking like a mess, you know I don't. I can even help you clean it if you want. I can be there with you and help you out with whatever you need.
[he reaches up to undo Barry's pants, then gently pushes him to lay back so he can tug them down.]
I can talk to Dick about it in the morning.
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Letting out a breath, he brings a hand up and lazily cards his fingers through his hair, brown eyes staring up to the ceiling still as he listens to Jason. ]
I'm sorry. [ He says then. ] I... came to say I was sorry to you and now you're the one trying to make me feel better when I should be making you feel better.
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[Jason gets his pants off all the way, tossing them aside before he's back on the bed, moving to sit next to Barry's shoulder so he can look at him.]
I didn't get it, ok? I just needed you to talk to me. I needed to understand what was going on and now I do. I thought you were sick of me. I didn't know all of this was going on in your head.
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I never get sick of you.
[ Words he gives that are soft but genuine, showing in the warmth of his brown eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I should have told you. I just... I'm used to not. Saying anything. To anyone. Just keep going, you know?
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Thanks for saying that. Sometimes I just get really fucking insecure, and I guess I need to hear it.
[he admits, because he can admit those things to Barry. when they're together, Jason realize these things. when they're apart, it all just sneaks into his brain in a weird way and fucks him up.]
Yeah. I know what it's like to get used to not having anyone to touch base with, to talk to. Maybe we can try and do that more. I can do a better job of reminding you.
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You're a good boyfriend. [ He says, slight tilt of his head there on the bed. ] And a good person, too.
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[Jason curls his fingers around Barry's, leaning in to kiss his forehead. he's not sure if he handled this like a good boyfriend or a good person at all.]
But I wanna be, as much as I can. I don't wanna be just another thing you gotta stress about.
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[ Words he mumbles softly as a means to reassure the other before he gives him a warm smile, soft as it is. Choosing to curl in then, he lets an arm reach out to drape over the other's waist a little lazily, wanting to just be near him and have him here when they haven't had something like this in however long now.
Cheek pressed into the mattress, he lazily blinks his eyes at him, still gently keeping that smile there on his lips. ]
I'm here. With you.
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Jason slides his hand up Barry's arm, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck before his fingers push into his hair. it's so good to be able to touch and hold Barry again. the contact is what they both seem to need. ]
You are. You're here with me. And I'm here with you too. I should've been there for you more. You're not alone and I don't want you to feel like you are.
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You're not either. [ He says, soft, eyes falling shut while he keeps himself close to him. ] No matter how much those thoughts try to tell you otherwise, you're not.
[ Lazily letting his eyes flutter open just a little, he smiles to the other, fingers gently caressing at Jason's chest. ]
This is what I need. I need you.
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I know. Sometimes I just really need to hear it.
[Jason scoots down closer to Barry so they're completely face to face now, and he slides his hand down the other's face, thumb running back and forth across his lower lip.]
You have me. You'll always have me, whether time moves fast or slow.
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Time moving slow with you is my favorite.
[ He murmurs, letting his eyes fall shut again as he nuzzles at the other's face, getting himself comfortable against Jason. ]
I cherish every second of it. Of you.
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he nuzzles back softly, then finds Barry's lips and kisses him again, slow and soft, letting his lips linger.]
It's my favorite too. Everything with you is.
[and maybe with Jason being in Central City with Barry, things can slow down for him a little. maybe not all the way, but Jason can do whatever he can to help.]
I love you, sweetheart. Get some sleep, alright? We'll figure it all out tomorrow.
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So he does as the other asks β settles in with a quiet sigh, head nuzzling at Jason's shoulder and he relaxes, best he can, not letting those thoughts claim him in a whirlwind of anxiety he can barely ignore. ]
I love you, too. Always.
[ Right here. Right now. For as long as he's on this plane of existence. ]
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curled up like this, it's easier for Jason to fall asleep too, and he only wakes when the sun starts poking his eyes out with how bright it is. he curls his head into Barry's, relieved that he's still here, and that none of this was a dream. ]